Pee Wee's School of Drivers Ed

Since my puppy has graciously allowed me some much needed rest I've been engaging in one of my favorite activities once again - pondering trivial dating ideals! In true Pee Wee Herman secret word of the day style, COUNTERPART (aggghhhh!) let's begin.

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What do you do when you meet your counterpart (aggghhh!)? Maybe not necessarily lifestyle, socioeconomic status, or career counterpart (agggghhhh!....okay, I'm done), but personality wise. What happens when your life converges with someone else whom represents your equivalent in future expectations, approach to relationships and fundamental beliefs? Is this a recipe for disaster or success?

Everyone loves the idea that opposites attract. Truthfully, I think this is a comfortable explanation for why you ended up with someone you never pictured yourself stuck with. At the end of the day, too many divergent attributes leads to discord and frustration. What may seem charmingly offbeat in the beginning, eventually becomes arduous. Your differing opinions may provide exciting banter in the early stages when you're still trying to get laid devouring each others words, but you'll eventually succumb to the fact that the other person is a disparaging idiot. To reference Sex and the City, Miranda and Steve would NEVER work out in real life. Sure the charmingly dimwitted Steve would provide a little amusement for the domineering, Type A Miranda at first, but a real world Miranda would find this exhausting and obnoxious after awhile. What does Steve bring to the table? Unless you're an oppressive maneater who delights in subjugating a weaker species, this match is destined to fail. Polar opposite personalities may be intriguing, but lend themselves to future discord. It's alright to have contrasting viewpoints such as James Carville and Mary Matalin, but their seemingly paradoxical relationship works because essentially they're passionate about the same things, politics.

The idea that two people with completely different ideologies, familial status, financial security or basic intelligence could thrive as a couple is ludicrous. Certainly you may have some analogous qualities like the desire to eat and avoid fire but there needs to be some fundamental similarities in order to progress.

So back to my original thought, what do you do when you've met your match? Your COUNTERPART...aggghhh! Couldn't resist. Someone who is used to assuming a particular role in a relationship, a role typically reserved for your expertise. Does one half of the relationship compromise? If so, which half? As a rule I'd say I am usually the driving force behind a relationship. Meaning I dictate where it's going and how quickly we get there. I don't think I've necessarily aspired to be in the drivers seat, I just end up there as I'm hopelessly devoted to dating student drivers. Perhaps I could be willing to turn the keys over to someone who exhibits proper U-turns and parallel parking. The problem that remains is simply this. I'm not sure I'm ready to be chauffeured around. I like having some control over my relationships as I feel ever so confident that my charming disposition and scintillating repartee will keep my heart free from collision. Allowing someone else to take the reigns feels as if I'm taking off my seat belt after hitting 80 on the freeway. Perhaps we could try the driver's ed car, at least allowing myself a modicum of control if need be. It might be nice for a change to have someone else direct the route of a relationship. I suppose if it's not, I can always pull the emergency break.

Another teensy-weensy matter of contention with finding your dating counterpart is what course of action do you take to ensnare court them? I've grown accustom to pursuing men that think I'm the bees knees (whoa, shout out to the 1920's). Who doesn't want to surround themselves with people that are easily impressed through very little effort of your own? So upon finding my counterpart, one who is also inclined to cultivate relationships with eager admirers, which one of us becomes the groupie? I can just envision two closet narcissists on a date, waiting for the other to kowtow to ones majesty. Seems as if someones gotta budge or you're going to spend a lot of time pursing your lips and giving creepy sly winks in hopes of breaking down the other's barrier. Hmmm....is this an exciting new challenge, or a Martha Stewart caliber recipe for utter disaster?

I suppose if the fawning never takes place but you both realize you're happy in each other's company it might be really fantastic. Who doesn't want to be with the adult equivalent of the prom king/queen? This of course based on the assumption you deem yourself worthy of such a prestigious title. I'm not one to quickly reveal my soft spot for certain attributes that make me swoon. Such attributes include: religious affiliation, height, good credit, mortgage toting preppies, and dog lovers. I'm also a sucker for anyone who is not completely appalled by my candor. Shhhh....let's remain a mystery.

Now if your counterpart doesn't exhibit some of the fundamental qualities that you need to feel secure, loved, or completely and hopelessly devoted to, then you're destined to fail. Simple as that. As much as I may be willing to attempt a supportive acting role in a relationship, I cannot compromise certain requisites...no matter how dreamy you were on prom night.

If you happen to stumble across someone that parallels your every dating philosophy, don't run back to your pimply student driver just yet. Put yourself out there. Of course you run the risk of being completely put in your place with a hearty dose of humble pie, but it could be fun. The higher you aim the farther you may fall. However, if you do secure that diamond in the rough just imagine the sparkly future.

More disturbing Pee Wee's Playhouse videos below at Talkie Time!