I'm sick of dating, ya hear that Nick Nolte?

I'm sick of dating.

Would I enjoy a stable, consistent, impossibly handsome, humorous, employed, handy guy in my life? For sure. Do I want to actually go out and proactively search for him anymore? Not so much. At first getting all dolled up and hoping your mystery man didn't turn out to be Nick Nolte or rivaling a potted plant in conversational aptitude was fun. Hooray, butterflies and little dinosaurs (indigestion?) in my stomach! Now it's sort of tedious and inconvenient. It's one thing getting ready for a date that you're actually looking forward to, it's another story when you're planning your impending escape route before you've walked out your door.

I'm sick of dating.

Over the past year I've realized there are tons of great eligible bachelors. Good news ladies, there are plenty of smart, witty, successful, gorgeous men just ripe for the picking! Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed perusing the fields, but haven't quite found the one I feel like throwing into my basket. I have noticed that all this dating has become rather deleterious to my Christian inclinations.

Let's quickly go through the 7 deadly dating sins timeline:

• While primping for a date - Pride/Vanity

• Attempting to impress with clever banter and mundane facts about yourself - Envy (yeah, it's a stretch; I want to make you envious of whoever gets me if it doesn't happen to be you? Eh? Good?)

• Consuming waaaay too much alcohol for that boost of liquid courage; or if you're sure there won't be a second date, ordering and subsequently shoveling the most expensive items on the menu into your smooch hole. - Gluttony

• Being a giant sloot. - Lust

• Wanting to be with someone who wants absolutely nothing to do with you. Sorry you blew it, let it go. - Greed/Avarice

• Turning into a certifiable lunatic after your love interest moves on. Spurn love, opt for fury! - Wrath

• Wishing someone would just arrange a marriage for me already. - Sloth

I'm sick of dating.

I was going through some Match.com profiles the other day and saw I had received an email from a handsome, Lutheran, successful, home owning, tall, blonde hair, blue-eyed, 37 year old....virgin. I shit you not. He boldly proclaimed this fact in his tag line, followed by "saving myself for my bride" in his profile. I'm all about unsolicited pontificating, but come on! What is a horny modern 21st century girl to do with that little detail?! I refuse to corrupt a seemingly cherubic man. In no universe would someone that um...what's the word...good? righteous? restrained? co-mingle with the likes of this frequently morally ambiguous gal. Not to say I'm the whore of Babylon, but I'm not exactly the blessed virgin either. Sorry mom, but I refuse to add liar to my list of transgressions.

I'm sick of dating...and exposing some not-so-fun facts to my mother.

Here's where I'm at. My come to Jesus moment has shifted my dating life from 6th gear to Neutral and I'm laying low for a bit. Should my anti-Nolte appear in the meantime, yippee for me. I'd love to skip the dating period and jump right into matrimonial bliss (I'm 98% certain this is an oxymoron. I'm 99% certain this is something you should not say on a first date...and of course, I have). I think I'm ready to be in a real relationship, I'm just exhausted from looking for one. Hehe...I've got a lot of quit in me.

Did I mention I'm sick of dating? I did? Just checking.

Am I still hoping Uncle Haru has an arranged marriage in the works for me? Absolutely.