I feel I've been a bit melodramatic lately my friends, so I'm going to give you a break and regale you with some of my new "Matches."

[Yes, the above picture was found in Mr. Mary Lou Retten's profile. Aside from the impressive pose I can't help but admire those teal trunks.]

This 80's icon describes his education as "went to the tech school," and his "ideal girl will be fit and well kept." Well by golly, I better dust off my apron and put a little rouge on!

Not to sound off color here but this guy looked like a terrorist until I gave him that jazzy bow tie. Also, this picture is either photoshopped or yet another failed Glamour Shots project. His profile indicates he loves a sensitive woman with feminine ability. I am seeking a lady who is take care of me, and well spoken...finish my work at work and give my girl its time as my partner in life. I like to participate her in everything...even in problems we must think together how to solve. I am also friendly, amiable and lovely. Just in case I was onto something in my initial pre-bow tie assessment, I'm going to let you make your own conclusions here.

I have never laid claim to being a master of linguistics, but I was under the impression that the description "athletic and toned" did not encompass man boobs or a belly button stuck in the wink position. Apparently this dashing fella, who claims to be a writer, does in fact think "athletic and toned" incorporates these attributes. There's a hearty dose of yuck for ya.

Hooray, Superman thinks we're a Match!

As I'm certain you've concluded, my dating life is really starting to take off. When I check my Match.com account, at times I have to eyeball the browser to make sure I didn't accidentally access Fail Blog. Sad, really sad. Have a great day folks!