The Enigma Known As "Dating"

Went out for drinks last night with a dear friend of mine. Our conversation mainly tackled the current pressing issues of our 'love lives,' or perhaps, the lack thereof. The concept of dating to me is as foreign as soap to the guy who demands money from vehicles attempting to get to the on-ramp near my condo. I am utterly baffled and disconcerted, the nuances completely elude me. I've been seeking advice from trusted friends and relatives, but being roughly a decade behind the curve I feel like a foreign exchange student. One good tip I've gotten was that if the guy isn't a complete tool, you should give him at least 2 to 3 dates. Why is this helpful? Because I have a tendency to write people off pretty quickly. Not everyone brings their A-game to the table right off the bat. Especially, I've noticed, guys seem to take a bit longer to open up or expose their personalities. I suppose many girls too, but that's never been a problem for me. In fact, my in-your-face assertiveness could probably be taken down a few notches if I ever hope to find someone brave enough to tolerate me long term. Seeing as I'm a fledgling to the dating world, I feel my observations may bring a new perspective to those of you fortunate enough to have been an active participant in it already.

For starters, why do men and women constantly pursue what they've already had when it clearly did NOT work out in the past? Although your new guy/girl may differ physically from your previous disasters, the underlying personality flaws are almost always the same. For example, a friend of mine whom I suspect is a serious glutton for punishment, continues to date domineering, emotionally unstable women. Why the shock when the relationship crashes and burns? Sure, a strong-willed woman seems confident and sexy at first, but if you do not possess the backbone to reign her in a bit, you will be a despondent doormat before I get sick of blogging. A girlfriend of mine seems to have a magnet for unavailable men. Let me quickly define an "unavailable" man: He is emotionally stunted in some way, shape or form; fears or lacks the necessary skills to commit to someone other than his dog; priorities are not conducive to a meaningful relationship; may be married or an illegal alien. Yet every single one of the unavailable men she attempts to ensnare always "breaks her heart." I will admit, I lack sympathy. When you are so clearly repeating your previous mistakes I cannot muster the conviction to tell you it's not your fault - it is! You knew better! I digress...

I think my biggest issue at the moment is I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for anymore. I feel as if I've had a lobotomy and can no longer remember what type of man suits me. Which brings me to my next observation - pursuing other's 'dream' men/women. I look at those relationships around me that I envy and think "I need to find a man like that!" What I fail to envisage is that I am NOTHING like that particular guy's woman. I do believe opposites attract, but you have to be cognizant of your limitations and what you're willing to put up with. As previously noted, I'm assertive, stubborn, at times bossy, slightly neurotic and completely idealistic (really sounding like a catch now, right?). I've found that men with these similar traits DO NOT a perfect match make. However, submissive, quiet, pensive men do not always hold my attention. Where's my happy medium?