My brother is coming home today! He's leaving the "bush" (as they say in Canada, which still makes me giggle a bit) to spend a week in the 'burbs. True to form, he has given no timetable for his arrival so I'm anxious like a fat kid in a candy store. I'm going to Michigan on Tuesday so I have less than 96 hours to monopolize his time. When my brother is around nothing gets done. Nothing productive or meaningful that is. This is precisely the second best reason for him coming home. The first being that I have my favorite person to pal around with once again. When he's home it's like a free pass to play video games all day, go to movies, ball games and talk about nonsense until you feel your plans of creating a warehouse playground actually seem like a bright idea. Even my mother ceases to nag for a short while. Her firstborn, perfect, blameless, remarkable, wunderkind is home!
Things my brother has missed since leaving for the bush:
1. Death of Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, Steve McNair, Ed McMahon...wow.
2. Bernie Madoff sentenced to 150 years in prison, of which he will serve 10 because the dude is old. Gives us enough time to ransack his wife's loot and return what was stolen from our mother. Bastards!
3. My cousin's new dog, Zoey.
4. Charles in Charge who lives across the street and has taken to stalking our mom. He's very sneaky. Charles uses his shitty little chihuahuas to gain access to her yard then makes small talk while hinting at running away together for just the perfect length of creepy. By the way, he's about 20 years younger than her, although he doesn't look like he's progressed a day over 1984.
5. My dog Rebel getting bit by said shitty chihuahua.
6. The beginning of God's greatest gift to mankind - So You Think You Can Dance?
7. Drunken Summerfest antics.
8. The Milwaukee Iron winning a game and Fan Man really letting loose.
9. Trip to Alabama to see Dad's new piggies, followed by a nauseatingly memorable 16 hour drive home.
10. This bitchin' blog.
Welcome home! ...maybe he should have stayed in Canada.
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