DBBF

A friend of mine recently found out that her new boyfriend is having a tough time...deciding whether or not he wants to rekindle the flame with his ex-fiance or continue dating my friend. Hmmm...poor guy. Aside from the obvious WTF elements to this dilemma, I can't help but wonder when exactly did men decide that they ever get a choice? In anything. Let me be clear. I'm all for equality and sharing duties and all that other women's lib BS but at the end of the day women basically call the shots or at least need to feel they are. The key component that men need to remember in this equation - pick your battles. You need to let us win just a few more than you or we get real 'difficult.' When DBBF ("douche bag boyfriend") actually confesses that he's having a tough time deciding which woman he wants I can't help but feel compelled to jam a few of his nether regions in a vice. Seriously?! On what planet does ANYONE feel they are so superior that they just get to pick and choose whomever they please, whenever it suits them. We are not concubines, and you are no prince. During your highschool-college years this may fly. Break up with boring boyfriend because you meet someone more exciting, they get boring too, go back to old boring boyfriend, and repeat. Where I draw the line is when DBBF has logged almost 4 decades into his dating regime and still feels this is an appropriate course of action.

Let me paint the scenario for you. DBBF starts dating my beautiful, charming, sexy, witty, caring friend. I'm bombarded on a weekly basis about their amazing sex life. Everything's going remarkably well until DBBF has a few minor hiccups in his life (ie. moving) and has a total meltdown. Again, 4 decades of tools to deal with lifes dilemmas, total meltdown. My friend is confused, slightly hurt at his sudden withdrawal from her and I can't help but think there's more to this saga. Sure enough! DBBF's ex calls him out of the blue (apparently knew he was already involved with someone else) and wants another go at things. Ladies, I am as conniving and selfish as the rest, but this has got to stop. Men are gullible and need their egos stroked constantly in reassurance of their manliness. It's not a fair fight. What DBBF should have done was tell the ex he's moved on, happy, life good, the end. Instead he wants to 'hear her out.' As if she perhaps put together a PowerPoint presentation highlighting why she's the better pick? That way he can make a really informed decision. What kind of an idiot even puts himself in that position? What did he think was going to happen? Again, not a fair fight, DBBF needs his little ego stroked. Meanwhile, my friend gets to wait for him to make up his mind? Since when do we have to prove ourselves? Prove we're worth your time and energy? Women want to be with men who feel blessed to have them. Privileged to be seen with them. Honored that they were chosen. Responsible for our happiness and security. That's what a REAL man does.

My advice to her - you make the choice for him. What woman wants to be any man's second pick? Even if DBBF has a revelation that maybe his ex is not quite the winning choice, what woman would choose to stay with a man who actually had to mull over it and then tell you he was doing so? We are insecure, fickle creatures, but men like DBBF need to learn that we will not tolerate this childish bullshit. I don't care if your body rivals Michelangelo's David. I don't care if you drive a $60,000 car and make more than the president. I don't care if your porn star skills in the bedroom breaks headboards. YOU ARE NOT that special. YOU ARE NOT irreplaceable. YOU DO NOT get a choice.