Animal Kingdom BEWARE - DTabs Dominion of Death

Sorry I've been MIA lately, it's just that I've been trying to keep a secret for the past week and I didn't trust myself not to blab it all over the Internet. I did however blab it to numerous family members and friends. I guess my future in safeguarding national security secrets is out the window. I seriously talk a lot, no water boarding necessary. The secret that I've (sort of) kept the past week was that I've added a new addition to my family and brought my title as crazy dog lady one step closer to fruition. I got another puppy! Yes, that now brings me to 3 dogs. However, my other 2 are equivalent to one medium size dog and display the characteristics of a fat old house cat so I'm considering this little guy my first "dog." So, why the secrecy? DTabs is not a fan of canines (or any living creature for that matter). Sure she tolerates my pups in small doses, but I'd never trust her alone with them. For example...In college I had a bunch of pet mice. Sort of gross but I've always liked having some little creature dependent on me, sort of a god complex. Well DTabs was to watch them (literally, just watch them and drop some water in their cage) over the weekend. Seems simple, right? When I returned home I couldn't find my beloved disease-ridden rodents.

"DTabs, where are my darling pets?"

"Oh, I burned them."

"You what?!"

"They started losing their fur and looked nasty so I burned them in their cage."

[wondering if my mother isn't in fact beginning to show the tell-tale signs of a serial killer]

"Um...okay, thanks for incinerating watching my pets. I've got to go back to campus and pray for your soul."



Example number 2:

DTabs was having a leisurely afternoon of gardening when she thought she spied a mole corrupting her lovely flower beds. So what does DTabs do? Grabs a golf club and smashes the thing to death, of course! Oh wait, she doesn't stop there. After desecrating the first little "mole" she spots a few more offenders and proceeds to go on a Tiger Woods inspired killing rampage. When the dusts settles and her blood shot, crazed eyes regain focus DTabs realizes that the carnage was not in fact aimed at the dastardly mole species. Rather, she MURDERED A NEST FILLED WITH BUNNIES. Yes, little hippity-hoppy sweet fuzzy bunnies. All of them. Not one sole survivor to warn the rest of the animal kingdom to steer clear of DTabs dominion of destruction.

So you see, DTabs is not a lover of animals nor does she see any of the finer points of pet ownership. Meh.